Love comes in many forms

When you take the time to think about what you want out of life, do you picture yourself achieving them by yourself, or with a romantic partner? I can honestly say that I don't picture myself with someone when I think about the things I'd like to do in my life. I picture myself accomplishing them alone. I'm not saying I'm not open to the idea of doing these things with a partner in my life, but I don't need this person in order to feel fulfilled.

As a little girl, I don't remember having pretend weddings or dreaming about one day wearing a beautiful white gown and walking down the aisle. The only dream I remember having was working downtown Minneapolis when I grew up and being a big city girl. And here I am, living in Minneapolis and working downtown. I never had any big ideas about love. I didn't dream about my Prince Charming. I can't say that I never think about getting married. I have thought about it. But is not my goal in life to get married and make babies. I think several women think that they need to get married and have children because if they don't, society will judge them or their family and friends will judge them. I think this is a new era where women can choose to get married if they find someone they want to make that commitment to; and if not, that's completely okay. 

When my mom was a little girl, she sat near the shores of Lake Superior and dreamed of having the perfect husband and having children. She felt like having kids was her purpose in life and she knew early on that it was what she needed to do. When she met a handsome older man at a party as a teenager, she was smitten. She thought that he was her chance for love, marriage and children. Unfortunately, it didn't turn out to be a fairy tale. It was far from perfect. She spent the majority of her marriage in fear. She wasn't loved the way she should have been; not the way she had dreamed of. She had my brother first and then had me two years later. After enduring years of pain, she divorced my father. A new life waited for her, and maybe new love. Maybe the kind of love she had always dreamed of. I saw my mom get her heart broken many times. I saw her learn time and time again that the men she found could not give her the kind of love she deserved. I saw too many tears. 

My mom is 51 years old now and for the first time in her life, she feels happy and content. She has a job that is satisfying on many levels and opened a non-profit organization that focuses on using art as a healing tool for victims of domestic and sexual violence. She has found her purpose on life. It isn't to find love from a man, but to give love to others. She has changed people's lives, including her own. 


Growing up with this woman as my mentor has made me the person I am today. I didn't enjoy watching my mother get hurt, but I know now that romance and love are not my purpose in life. I have a much bigger purpose, as did my mom. She couldn't be happier with her children and she learned from the mistakes she made. Every path we go down in life leads us to where we are for a reason. If I end up finding love, that will be great. I will embrace it with open arms. But if I don't, I am completely content living my life on my own. I have so many wonderful friends and family members that fill me up with all different kinds of love. It doesn't always have to be the romantic kind. I'm not going to spend my days searching for love from a man. I'd rather spend my days searching for love in other ways and giving it back in any way I can. Because love comes in many forms and all forms are fulfilling on so many levels. 

           Lead with your heart... <3

Addicted to LOVE?

Let's be clear up front... the title of this blog does not apply to me. It applies to several of my friends and I'm writing about it because I am having a hard time understanding it.

I am going to get real for a minute. I haven't really been in love. I certainly thought I was a couple of times but I think that true love is when another person gives a part of themselves to you... I never had that happen. I was always giving all of myself to them and just hoping and waiting for them to give something in return. In every scenario, it never happened. I think love is about giving and receiving equally and when it isn't equal, it turns into a disaster. I made a decision a long time ago that I wouldn't give myself fully to someone who wasn't giving me equal emotion, affection, and honesty in return.

I'm not saying I haven't made mistakes when it comes to matters of the heart. I'm notorious for getting into situations where I'm not fully appreciated and being okay with it for far too long. But for the past two years, I haven't even allowed myself to get fully invested in these men because I knew they would leave me hanging eventually. I knew that they would never give me what I wanted and what I truly deserved.

At this point, it's simply a waiting game. I want to wait until I do find someone that is going to give equally to me and is going to appreciate me for all that I am. I no longer want to waste my time with someone, blindly hoping that they will change for me. Because 99.9% of the time, it just doesn't happen. No one changes unless they really want to. I've learned that in life and I've learned it in love.

I have so many friends that are wandering the earth just searching for love. Trying to find that one person who will make them feel complete, who will make them feel adored and needed. I have that in me to find that, but I don't believe I'm searching for it. I watch so many of my friends jump from one relationship to the next, truly believing for a while that each one is "real love." What I see is a whole lot of heartache and tears. I wish for my friends to take a step back and actually try and figure out what they really are searching for. Are they searching for love? Or are they looking to someone else to fill the hole within them that they should be filling themselves?

I don't believe we can truly give ourselves fully to another person until we fill the holes we have inside ourselves, by ourselves. It's normal and natural to try and fill those holes with another person, but usually it doesn't work out. I've spent so much time alone learning what I like about life, what I want to do with it, where I want to go, what I want to see, and who I want to see and I still don't really know if I feel fully satisfied. I'm still not sure I could give myself fully to another person and I've been single for 2 years! I still feel like I have holes I need to fill on my own.

I love my friends and I want to support them but I wish they would focus more on what they want out of life rather than trying to find the answers in a partner. The answers should be found on your own. Take time to reflect, take time for yourself... make dinner for yourself, go get a pedicure, spend time with your friends, with your family, with your pets if you have them. You'd be surprised how much you enjoy your own company! Everyone feels that natural need to share a life with someone, to have a partner in life, but I say why not make yourself your partner first? Put YOU first... because we only live once and I feel like life is too short to put all of our energy into one person.

So for those of you reading this, even if you are in a relationship, make a list of things that you really want to do. And go do them! If possible, find your balance and fill your holes with someone but don't be afraid to just admit that you need some time alone. Time alone is healthy. Time alone to reflect is probably where clarity is achieved the most.

Leading with your heart doesn't always mean to lead your life with matters of the heart such as love. It can mean to let your heart lead you to the real YOU too... to find a balance and happiness without a companion! If you've never tried it, please try it!!! You'd be pleasantly surprised.