The thing about love songs...

I've come to a realization about love songs.  They used to invoke this emotion in me, leaving me feeling sad, lonely and confused.  Particularly, Adele's song, "Someone Like You,"  and all songs about those brokenhearted and searching for love.  That song, especially, used to kill me, every time I heard it.  I felt like I couldn't breathe when I heard that song, all kinds of feelings welling up inside of me.  It was like that song was about every single person I had ever dated, and how they all had broken my heart.  But some day, I would find someone.  I ached for that.

Recently, the song came on the radio, while I rode in my car alone.  I cranked up the sound and waited to feel that same heart-wrenching, lump-in-my-throat emotion.  But what I felt was relief.  The song didn't make me feel emotional anymore.  It made me feel happy for once.  Because I finally had found that special someone.  Not just Adele's song in particular, but all of the cheesy, lonely, love songs used to make me feel so upset. And usually, I'd feel emotional about the particular douche bag I was pining over at the moment.  Hoping that some day, they would feel that same emotion for me.  It never happened, and I knew it wouldn't.  None of them ever truly saw me for me. 

And at the time, when I was listening to these songs, did I ever really think I would listen to them one day and not feel those same tough feelings?  Absolutely not.  I had hoped for it, but I don't think I really believed it myself.  But I had to believe that being in love meant never feeling lonely; never waiting anxiously for the other person to say what you always wanted to hear.  And it certainly wasn't tossing and turning in bed while your "significant other" chatted and flirted with other girls on Facebook in the next room.  Or finding someone else's underwear in your "significant other's" bed after making love to him.

I'm not sure why it took me so long to realize that none of those things are love.  I'm not sure why I thought that I could make these men love me.  It should always come naturally.  I made a vow to myself a long time ago that I wouldn't be with someone who didn't love me for who I was; someone who was always honest and open with me, even when we disagreed.  And I found that person.  It came so suddenly and unexpectedly, but that is what love is.  It's patient but comes when you least expect it.  It's hard but always worth it.  It's rewarding and fulfilling, even on the hard days.

I still love those songs that used to make me feel so lonesome.  But they don't make me feel lonely anymore.  Those songs are for someone else now.