Addicted to LOVE?

Let's be clear up front... the title of this blog does not apply to me. It applies to several of my friends and I'm writing about it because I am having a hard time understanding it.

I am going to get real for a minute. I haven't really been in love. I certainly thought I was a couple of times but I think that true love is when another person gives a part of themselves to you... I never had that happen. I was always giving all of myself to them and just hoping and waiting for them to give something in return. In every scenario, it never happened. I think love is about giving and receiving equally and when it isn't equal, it turns into a disaster. I made a decision a long time ago that I wouldn't give myself fully to someone who wasn't giving me equal emotion, affection, and honesty in return.

I'm not saying I haven't made mistakes when it comes to matters of the heart. I'm notorious for getting into situations where I'm not fully appreciated and being okay with it for far too long. But for the past two years, I haven't even allowed myself to get fully invested in these men because I knew they would leave me hanging eventually. I knew that they would never give me what I wanted and what I truly deserved.

At this point, it's simply a waiting game. I want to wait until I do find someone that is going to give equally to me and is going to appreciate me for all that I am. I no longer want to waste my time with someone, blindly hoping that they will change for me. Because 99.9% of the time, it just doesn't happen. No one changes unless they really want to. I've learned that in life and I've learned it in love.

I have so many friends that are wandering the earth just searching for love. Trying to find that one person who will make them feel complete, who will make them feel adored and needed. I have that in me to find that, but I don't believe I'm searching for it. I watch so many of my friends jump from one relationship to the next, truly believing for a while that each one is "real love." What I see is a whole lot of heartache and tears. I wish for my friends to take a step back and actually try and figure out what they really are searching for. Are they searching for love? Or are they looking to someone else to fill the hole within them that they should be filling themselves?

I don't believe we can truly give ourselves fully to another person until we fill the holes we have inside ourselves, by ourselves. It's normal and natural to try and fill those holes with another person, but usually it doesn't work out. I've spent so much time alone learning what I like about life, what I want to do with it, where I want to go, what I want to see, and who I want to see and I still don't really know if I feel fully satisfied. I'm still not sure I could give myself fully to another person and I've been single for 2 years! I still feel like I have holes I need to fill on my own.

I love my friends and I want to support them but I wish they would focus more on what they want out of life rather than trying to find the answers in a partner. The answers should be found on your own. Take time to reflect, take time for yourself... make dinner for yourself, go get a pedicure, spend time with your friends, with your family, with your pets if you have them. You'd be surprised how much you enjoy your own company! Everyone feels that natural need to share a life with someone, to have a partner in life, but I say why not make yourself your partner first? Put YOU first... because we only live once and I feel like life is too short to put all of our energy into one person.

So for those of you reading this, even if you are in a relationship, make a list of things that you really want to do. And go do them! If possible, find your balance and fill your holes with someone but don't be afraid to just admit that you need some time alone. Time alone is healthy. Time alone to reflect is probably where clarity is achieved the most.

Leading with your heart doesn't always mean to lead your life with matters of the heart such as love. It can mean to let your heart lead you to the real YOU too... to find a balance and happiness without a companion! If you've never tried it, please try it!!! You'd be pleasantly surprised.