I realize it's been a long time since my last blog. Why are summers so crazy busy? I feel like the days just fly by. And the funny thing is that I really haven't done a whole lot this summer. A few trips back home to Superior, Wisconsin, a camping trip, a cabin trip and that's about it. Anyway, I'm going to get back on the blogging train and try to stick with it. This really is my daily therapy and lately I've really needed it!!! So here it goes...
On July 30, I saw my best friend get married. I saw her dance with her new husband, the undeniable look of happiness on her face in a beautiful, sparkling white gown. The only problem was that she's not my best friend anymore. I wasn't there to help her pick out a wedding dress. I wasn't there to help her pick out flowers. I met her husband for the first time at the wedding and never heard her talk about him and tell me every wonderful detail about him. I knew nothing about this man and honestly, I hardly knew anything about the woman who once was my best friend and had now become someone's wife.
I found myself overwhelmed with emotion thinking about the times with this beautiful bride as teenagers, talking about our hopes and dreams on warm summer nights. Our favorite spot to chat was late at night at the park by my house, lying on our backs in the tennis court under a star-filled sky. We talked about our wedding day and had always planned on each other being included in it. There was no way we wouldn't be. There was no way we wouldn't be friends. The moment I saw this friend in her gorgeous clean wedding dress and how happy she was, I also felt sadness about how things can change so much and confusion about why they had to change.
I can't recall the exact moment she and I became friends. I know we met in the 7th grade and when I became friends with her, I came alive. I became a person I never had been before. She made me come out of my shell and made me feel like it was okay to be me. When I was with her, there was a constant smile on my face. We would go on adventures with each other and become different people. My stomach would ache from laughter after being with her and my face would be red from smiling. With her, I could do anything. I could tell her anything. Most importantly, I could be me.
As we got older, things changed. She didn't go to the same school as me anymore and the times I saw her were fewer and fewer. I remember the sadness I felt every time I tried to make a plan with her and she said no. My heart was broken that I didn't have my companion anymore. And I never knew why it happened. I always blamed myself and wondered what I said or what I did to hurt her, to push her away. I struggled with it for many years and finally had to accept the fact that we wouldn't be those teenage girls ever again.
Even though it still hurts me to not know why we grew apart, after seeing her on her wedding day, I realized that it doesn't matter why anymore. We both became the people we are because it's who we were meant to be. But I also realized that my best friend is still here. When I hugged her and told her congratulations, I told her I loved her without even thinking about it. The words came out of my mouth like we were 16 years old again. I'll always love her and hold a special place for her in my heart. We might not ever be as close as we once were, but she's still here and I still love her.
This blog is not very well written and it's pretty cheesy. I had to admit that at the end of it so all of you didn't think I'm some kind of loser living in a world where my writing is always good and I always make people emotional. I know it doesn't always happen. I feel like I'm at a loss for words tonight and it's extremely difficult to express in words the way I felt about this friend and what we had. I'm also really tired.
In the end, the moral of the story is.... let bygones be bygones and lead with your heart. Sometimes we have to go through really tough times and things have to change in strange and confusing ways for us to get to where we need to be.
GOODNIGHT!!
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