One quality that I think is SO incredibly important to have is self-awareness. Just being aware of the things we say, the things we do, how they affect people, how we feel, is so crucial when living a healthy life. If I lived my life in denial, I'd be struggling even more than I am. I am aware of the things I need to work on and aware when I say something wrong and I admit it to myself and to others.
Many people drift through life with absolutely no self-awareness. These people think they can do no wrong, think they always say the right thing and usually think that everything about themselves is perfect and doesn't need any improvement. Sometimes it's hard to admit that we need to work on a part of ourselves or need to make something better about ourselves. But it's so incredibly important to just admit it and try to do something about it. Take action.
This is coming up for me because there are a lot of things about myself I think I need to work on. For example, I lose my confidence way too easily. I take things people say to heart too often and I get nervous and uncomfortable way too often. I tend to be shy in certain situations and I am almost always putting other people's needs before my own. The important thing is that I've recognized these things about myself I'd like to change and I'm going to try and change them.
Not only is it important to be grateful for the things we have every day, but we should also do self reflection every day. I think we can all try to be better people on some level. That old saying is completely and 100% true: Nobody's perfect.
That's all I have for today. There are SO many things I could write about today and so many feelings/emotions going on but I think the one thing I can take from my day and share is how significant self-awareness is.
Lead with your heart. <3
Tuesday, June 21, 2011
Wednesday, June 8, 2011
Single Woman Stress
Most of the time being a single girl in the city is pretty kickass. I get to do what I want when I want, I can go out to cool parties and check out the single men (which I actually don't do enough), my life is virtually drama free, and I don't have anything holding me back. There's a wonderful feeling that comes along with grasping your independence and embracing it. I love making meals for myself and just having a night for me... have a glass of wine, make myself something delicious and watch a movie... just some good old fashioned quality ME time! I'm pretty resourceful when it comes to figuring out the things that I don't know... and most things I don't have to fix because my rent pays for maintenance in my apartment.
Unfortunately, as I learned very recently, the maintenance person doesn't fix everything!! I've lived in my apartment for almost 3 years now and I vaguely remember someone saying something about the ancient fuse box (building was built in 1924; fuse box can't be much older) above my stove. There were no instructions given, I think just a briefing that went something like this, "Those fuses might go out and you might have to replace them." This was almost 3 years ago so my memory fails me slightly, but I was faced harshly with reality yesterday when I came home and my power went out.
We don't have too many CRAZY hot days here in Minneapolis but yesterday the temperature reached a scolding 105 degrees. I don't have air conditioning and I've been completely fine without it for the past 2 summers (I kind of like being warm... I'm weird). But yesterday was unbelievably hot. I tried to remain positive and told myself when I left work, "At least you have a fan!" Not long after I got home, my fans died along with the power in my entire apartment. First I called my building's caretaker to see if the problem was in the building or just in my apartment. She informed me that she hadn't received any other calls about power outages so it was most likely my fuses. Then came the words that caused me to freak, "You are responsible for replacing your fuses. I don't know how much they cost and I can't help you."
Now it might just be me that thinks this, but something like electricity (especially electricity that isn't used in most buildings anymore) is something you'd want a professional messing around with and not some single 27 year old woman who knows nothing about it. Especially in an apartment complex! I was a bit taken aback by this but also remembered that weird maintenance guy when I moved in telling me something about those dumb little fuses. Needless to say, I didn't know what to do. And every time I looked in that weird fuse box, I pictured myself getting electrocuted. I freaked out slightly.
I thought about my resources. Who can I ask? Who do I know that could help me? Isn't this what any single woman would do? You gather in your mind the people you know who might be able to answer the question at hand. I asked my brother and he said the fuses were simple and just needed to be unscrewed. I still didn't feel comfortable unscrewing them, didn't have the money to buy new ones, and still wasn't 100% confident in what I was supposed to do. Luckily, the power outage turned out to be a building-wide problem and I thought my troubles were over. After 3 hours of reading and sweating on my couch, my power came back on.
Something interesting happened to me in this moment though, and it has happened to me before. I panicked. I felt like my chest was caving in and I could feel tears welling up in my throat. I felt helpless. I don't know many handy people who are close by... I didn't know what to do and my panicking prevented me from just figuring it out! I'm not sure where this comes from but the last time this happened was when I got my car stuck in the snow and couldn't get out. Everyone I asked to help me couldn't and there I was, knee deep in wet white snow... feeling helpless. This time I was knee deep in hot humid air with no electricity. But I felt the same in both situations. I'm definitely the type of person who believes men and women are capable of doing the same things... but let's get real here... there are some things that men are just better at and are just raised to know. Like electricity and fuse boxes, for example. And in my analysis of this panicked, helpless feeling, I decided that it stems from wanting a positive male role model in my life. I don't need a boyfriend. I don't need a man to help me with everything. But would I like to have one that I could call when my fuse boxes go out and I have no clue what I'm doing? Yes. I would like that. I would like that a lot.
Today I got home around 7:00 p.m. and my power was out again. This time I checked the hallway and saw that the lights were on out there. This meant (to me) that the power outage was JUST my apartment this time. I contacted the caretaker to see if she knew what the problem was with the electricity yesterday and informed her my power was out again. She didn't respond. The end result was that the power outage was, in fact, only in my apartment this time and there appears to be some issue with the wiring and the fact that my fuse box is ancient. The caretaker is going to contact maintenance and Xcel Energy to figure out what the the damn problem is.
But I am SO incredibly thankful for good friends. My friend Jessee was extremely helpful in this situation and we were able to figure stuff out penis-free (minus the one guy at the hardware store... hehe). People come and go from your life and the older you get, the clearer it becomes who your true friends are. And Jessee, you are a KEEPER!! I truly believe that everything happens for a reason and everything that happened to me to bring me to Jessee was meant to happen so I could have an amazing friend in my life!!!
I came to a realization about myself today, which I think is pretty awesome. It's always good practice to have those moments where you think, "Why am I acting this way? Why am I feeling this way? Where does it come from?" and to take some time to try and figure it out. Most of the time I'm a very calm, drama-free person. But there have been these moments in my life, these panicked, helpless moments that I couldn't quite get to the bottom of. My reactions to these situations were so unlike ME. Another realization I came to was that sometimes all you need is one really good friend! The Beatles were right....I get by with a little help from my friends. :)
Oh and attached is a photo of my dumb fuse box. For those of you who know nothing about fuses, wouldn't this be intimidating??? RIGHT?!
Lead with your heart. <3
Unfortunately, as I learned very recently, the maintenance person doesn't fix everything!! I've lived in my apartment for almost 3 years now and I vaguely remember someone saying something about the ancient fuse box (building was built in 1924; fuse box can't be much older) above my stove. There were no instructions given, I think just a briefing that went something like this, "Those fuses might go out and you might have to replace them." This was almost 3 years ago so my memory fails me slightly, but I was faced harshly with reality yesterday when I came home and my power went out.
We don't have too many CRAZY hot days here in Minneapolis but yesterday the temperature reached a scolding 105 degrees. I don't have air conditioning and I've been completely fine without it for the past 2 summers (I kind of like being warm... I'm weird). But yesterday was unbelievably hot. I tried to remain positive and told myself when I left work, "At least you have a fan!" Not long after I got home, my fans died along with the power in my entire apartment. First I called my building's caretaker to see if the problem was in the building or just in my apartment. She informed me that she hadn't received any other calls about power outages so it was most likely my fuses. Then came the words that caused me to freak, "You are responsible for replacing your fuses. I don't know how much they cost and I can't help you."
Now it might just be me that thinks this, but something like electricity (especially electricity that isn't used in most buildings anymore) is something you'd want a professional messing around with and not some single 27 year old woman who knows nothing about it. Especially in an apartment complex! I was a bit taken aback by this but also remembered that weird maintenance guy when I moved in telling me something about those dumb little fuses. Needless to say, I didn't know what to do. And every time I looked in that weird fuse box, I pictured myself getting electrocuted. I freaked out slightly.
I thought about my resources. Who can I ask? Who do I know that could help me? Isn't this what any single woman would do? You gather in your mind the people you know who might be able to answer the question at hand. I asked my brother and he said the fuses were simple and just needed to be unscrewed. I still didn't feel comfortable unscrewing them, didn't have the money to buy new ones, and still wasn't 100% confident in what I was supposed to do. Luckily, the power outage turned out to be a building-wide problem and I thought my troubles were over. After 3 hours of reading and sweating on my couch, my power came back on.
Something interesting happened to me in this moment though, and it has happened to me before. I panicked. I felt like my chest was caving in and I could feel tears welling up in my throat. I felt helpless. I don't know many handy people who are close by... I didn't know what to do and my panicking prevented me from just figuring it out! I'm not sure where this comes from but the last time this happened was when I got my car stuck in the snow and couldn't get out. Everyone I asked to help me couldn't and there I was, knee deep in wet white snow... feeling helpless. This time I was knee deep in hot humid air with no electricity. But I felt the same in both situations. I'm definitely the type of person who believes men and women are capable of doing the same things... but let's get real here... there are some things that men are just better at and are just raised to know. Like electricity and fuse boxes, for example. And in my analysis of this panicked, helpless feeling, I decided that it stems from wanting a positive male role model in my life. I don't need a boyfriend. I don't need a man to help me with everything. But would I like to have one that I could call when my fuse boxes go out and I have no clue what I'm doing? Yes. I would like that. I would like that a lot.
Today I got home around 7:00 p.m. and my power was out again. This time I checked the hallway and saw that the lights were on out there. This meant (to me) that the power outage was JUST my apartment this time. I contacted the caretaker to see if she knew what the problem was with the electricity yesterday and informed her my power was out again. She didn't respond. The end result was that the power outage was, in fact, only in my apartment this time and there appears to be some issue with the wiring and the fact that my fuse box is ancient. The caretaker is going to contact maintenance and Xcel Energy to figure out what the the damn problem is.
But I am SO incredibly thankful for good friends. My friend Jessee was extremely helpful in this situation and we were able to figure stuff out penis-free (minus the one guy at the hardware store... hehe). People come and go from your life and the older you get, the clearer it becomes who your true friends are. And Jessee, you are a KEEPER!! I truly believe that everything happens for a reason and everything that happened to me to bring me to Jessee was meant to happen so I could have an amazing friend in my life!!!
I came to a realization about myself today, which I think is pretty awesome. It's always good practice to have those moments where you think, "Why am I acting this way? Why am I feeling this way? Where does it come from?" and to take some time to try and figure it out. Most of the time I'm a very calm, drama-free person. But there have been these moments in my life, these panicked, helpless moments that I couldn't quite get to the bottom of. My reactions to these situations were so unlike ME. Another realization I came to was that sometimes all you need is one really good friend! The Beatles were right....I get by with a little help from my friends. :)
Lead with your heart. <3
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